Wordless Wednesday: Light and and her shadow

wordless wednesday: a star is born

pre-preschool jitters

Yeah, it's strange to admit it but I guess I'm starting to feel nervous about Maya going off to school.  On the surface I'm excited for her new adventure.  I know it will be good for her socially and help her excel.  I feel as though I've been slacking on the teaching department.  She needs this jump start for sure.  There are so many pros to her going to school...and then deep down (it is starting to come to the surface) I am afraid.

I'm sure all moms go through this, having to let go of their little birds.  There are so many things that go through my mind.  Things that I would have never thought of before.  Like the fact that she could get hurt.  She could get pushed around, since she is small for her age and she is still unsteady on her feet.

This will be the first time I am leaving my child in someone else's care, a stranger in a way, not at my home where I can basically control the setting.   I hate to admit it but as much as I've tried I have been one of those mom's who have shadowed their child.  I think most of the time I've had to do such things to ensure that my daughter did not bite someone or pull their hair.    The fact that she doesn't speak and only uses signs (now less and less) worries me the most.  How will she communicate?  How will she be able to defend herself or ask for something she wants.  When I think about this I just shake my head.  What the hell did I get myself into?!  I knew motherhood would be hard but I hate this feeling that I will not be able to protect my child.

All the more so, this brings up the feelings about her having Down Syndrome.  I try not to think much about it because she has done so well.  But now it's in the forefront.  She struggles more in interacting with the other kids, she doesn't always understand what is going on and gets frustrated...she can't tell them what she is thinking.  I don't want to think about the future because what matters is now, but there are fears I have for my daughter.  I worry about her future struggles.  It makes me sad.

Then on the flip side I say to myself, it's only preschool!  It's only going to be 2 1/2 hours for four days a week.  it's not like she will be gone for long.  And I know Maya does very well in a class setting, she doesn't mind getting instruction from a teacher.  She enjoys story time and she loves it when we go to music and gym class.   I know this will be good.  And in the end it is what it is.  I have a daughter with Down Syndrome and this is my life.  This is her life.  We are very blessed to be in a good place.  She is lucky to have this opportunity to go to preschool.  I didn't get that chance when I was a kid.

I'm sure I'll keep writing about these thoughts as I go through them.  So far I've enjoyed reading about other mom's experiences with the first day of school.  So many kiddos do cry at first, but they eventually work through it and enjoy going to school.  It gives me hope for Maya and for myself.
 

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”
-Mary Anne Radmacher

wordless wednesday: I said, smile and she smiled.

Wordless Wednesday: Eating a snack and watching Barney

Another trip to the aquarium and farewell to maya's best buds

Recently we went to the aquarium with our friends and their kiddos. It was great seeing the kids enjoying the fish and the environment. The little aquarium is just the right size to entertain but not overwhelm Maya. I'm so glad that she is getting curious about her surroundings.

Our long time friend's have twins which are two months younger than Maya. Its been really wonderful having them around. I've been able to see them grow so much in just six months. The twins, a girl and a boy, have really taken to Maya. They always call to her to join them in whatever they are doing and give her lots of hugs. Even though Maya isn't quite at the same level they love hanging out with her. Their friendship has grown as did mine with their mother. We've enjoyed many outing together. I'm sad that our friends will be out of the country for the next six months but we look forward to their return.

Below are a few precious moments from our last visits together.

My little climber

I never thought it would happen but yes, my little girl is becoming a climber. It happened just out of the blue. Last week it was my grandmother's hope chest, later in the week it was the fireplace ledge and a now it's the foot stool in the living room. These are the places that I find my daughter, when I'm not looking. Part of me is amazed that she would even consider such actions...the other part of me loves the thrill of finding her perched on a place I do not expect.   Luckily she knows how to get down...so far.  I just keep my eye on her in case she gets too adventurous...my little daredevil.

Like a little kitty cat, she's admiring the outside.

She decided that this stool would be the best place to read her books.