today after storytime in the library play area maya bit a little girl on the arm. i was so sad, frustrated, angry, and embarrassed. poor little girl had all of maya's teeth marks on her arm...oh it was so sad. i really felt like crying when i apologized to the mom and the little girl. i tried to tell maya to say sorry and told her that she hurt the little girl. maya didn't seem to understand at all what she had done. the mother was so nice about it, but i could see many of the other mom's staring at us. i felt horrible. what did they think of us? were they judging us, because it sure did seem so. i apologized profusely for my daughters actions, but none of that will take away the impression she made on everyone there.
i immediately went to that place of worry, is my daughter doing this because she has down syndrome? how will she be able to interact with others if she is biting and pulling everyone's hair? no one will want to be her friend or mine.
in the car i started to feel very lonely. yes, she is just a toddler, but she has down syndrome also. and this effects me in many ways. it feels like a lonely road these days, there doesn't seem to be anyone i can talk to about this. she is not walking yet, not talking, and when i see other mom's with their kids in our mom's group, i see how their children run and play. they climb the stairs and slide down the big slides, they play in the sand together. it all seems so normal and wonderful. i am trying to give maya every opportunity to be there, but sometimes, days like today, i am tired of always having to watch her, always worrying that she will hurt herself or throw something and hit someone accidentally. i know this is just a phase, it's not like she does it all the time. they say every child goes through these things, but today i feel powerless. and it bugs the hell out of me!
so there it is, maybe just a little venting will do me some good. tomorrow will be another day, a better day i hope.